'Come, Follow Me’

‘I think it is quite impossible for me to become a Sister.’  I can still remember saying this to my friend in the early 1990s, when I had just finished my studies and started my career in an accounting firm.  At that time, I enjoyed working, spending time with my family and friends; I also liked doing voluntary work and joining church activities to deepen my faith.  But, I did not think of joining a religious congregation, for I did not think God would call a person like me.  I am not good at taking care of the sick, I do not know how to teach, I am not a youth work.  How could I be God’s instrument to bring other people to Him?  After all, my parents were not pious Catholics and I did not think that they would support the idea of me becoming a Sister.  So, I told my friend that it was impossible for me to enter a religious congregation.

But after only a few months, I started to have the ‘strange’ feeling that God was speaking to me in my heart, calling me to follow Him.  ‘Come, follow me…’ – it was the message that I heard and it kept on echoing in my heart.  Then, I asked myself why I felt that way.  ‘Is Jesus calling me to follow Him?  How shall I follow Him?  What should I do? No, it could not be the voice of Jesus.  How could that possibly happen? It is impossible!’ I kept on telling myself to ignore my inner voice, because I could not believe that it was God calling me, let alone to believe that He was calling me to become a Sister.  But, lots of questions popped up in my mind and the gentle voice ‘Come, follow me…’ kept whispering in my heart.  ‘What does Jesus want me to do?  Is He calling me to be a nun or a missionary?  It seems that I am drawn to religious life, but what do Sisters do in their daily life?  Am I really becoming one of them?’  These types of questions kept coming back to me even if I tried hard to avoid them.  After all, I could still be involved in various kinds of church activities and follow Jesus in other ways even if I were not a nun.  That was how I tried to comfort myself, for I was too scared to make a commitment to an unknown future.

God’s plan is mysterious and His work is beyond human imagination.  While I tried to avoid Him, He never abandoned me.  He kept coming to me and poured His grace upon me to help me overcome my weaknesses.  In February 1995, I was invited to attend the liturgy of a young woman entering a religious congregation – the Sisters of St. Paul of Chartres.  In the liturgy, I heard her clearly saying that she wanted to follow Christ.  I was touched by her quick response, her enthusiasm, her strong will and her total love for God.  I could still remember the song that was sung on that day - ‘Here I am, Lord’.  I would like to say yes to Jesus, too.   Then, I recalled how God had loved me – He gave me Mum and Dad so that I was able to experience love from an early age.  I was lucky to attend Catholic Schools so that I could learn about God and His love.  I was given the gift of baptism to become God’s child and be part of His family.  I was given the gift of Jesus Himself whenever I receive the Holy Communion.  I was given many gifts to share with my friends and others.  But, most importantly, Christ has suffered and died for me and I was redeemed by His precious blood.  Then, how could I ignore Jesus – the One who has loved me so tenderly and intensely?  How could I resist Him and not respond to His call?

Being touched by God in this special liturgy, I made an initial enquiry to the Sisters of St. Paul of Chartres and asked the Sisters about religious life.  They were very kind to answer my questions and later, they invited me to come and see their life.   Thus, in October 1995, I stayed near the Sisters for the first time.  It was a very new experience for me to stay so close to the convent, to join their morning prayers and to spend time praying with them before the Blessed Sacrament.  On one hand, I was very happy and enthusiastic about this new life; on the other hand, I was worried and afraid of my uncertain future.  I had to make a decision whether I should give up my job, which I enjoyed and had given security to my future.  I had to tell my parents about what was going on, this might give them a big shock.  I had to give up my present life style and start something new if I entered the convent one day.  Whenever I thought of those situations, I became scared and I was deterred from going ahead, for it was much safer to stay where I was and never have to make an uncertain move.  But in times of quiet reflection and especially in my prayers, I could not deny God’s assurance again and again: ‘Fear not, for I am with you always, to the end of the age.’ (Mat 14:27; 28:20)

Thus, in April 1996, without knowing very much about what was ahead of me, I committed myself to God and entered the Congregation of the Sisters of St. Paul of Chartres.  It was interesting to realize that my promise of ‘offering my life to God’ at the age of ten was then fulfilled by God.  However, a life with God is not a life without difficulties, for many things in the convent were so new to me.  As a person trained for accounting and calculation, I had never arranged flowers before and seldom did gardening, but now I had to do.  I had no idea about decoration and craftwork and in the convent I had my first trial.  Though it was not easy, I treasured this invitation from God to always open my mind to something new.  I can still remember my first assignment as a secondary school teacher in Hong Kong.  I was new and inexperienced in my first year of teaching; I was unsure about many things and I did not know how to deal with the students.  I despaired, but I also learnt to persist for I knew that Jesus is with me always till the end of the age. (Mat 28:20)  So, I tried to love as Jesus has loved me.  With effort and with God’s grace, situations started to change.  I gradually saw the needs of the students and I was happy to share my experience with them and support them.  I realized that living in this present age of many broken families and distorted values, our students need even greater support from parents and teachers, who can share their life with them and guide them onto the right path.  We all need God and the support of one another.  I hope people may think of God when they see me as a religious, so that in times of difficulty and despair, they may pray to God and rely on Him.

Jesus has realized in reality what I thought impossible, for He has invited me to follow His call to become a religious Sister.  God’s love is mysterious; He is always able to do what seems impossible; He is always ready to challenge us to something higher.  ‘Launch out into the deep…’ (Luke 5:4) – Let us respond to God’s invitation and never stop at where we are, or be restricted by our limited horizon, for God in His mysterious plan knows what is best for us and what we can achieve beyond our dreams!